Know your onions
Disaster looms!
An onion shortage threatens the citizens of Britain. What are we to do?
Admittedly, my beloved and I had prior warning of this impending doom from the people who supply us with our veggie box. They told us even in December that the near-apocalyptic rainfall of last year had a devastating effect on onion storage, and that the onions are rotting from the inside out. Whole sheds full of onions, tucked away like hibernating squirrels in readiness for spring, are succumbing to a hideous plague.
But, alas, we failed to do anything about it. I always fail to grasp the profit in situations. Instead of building an onion storage depot in the back yard, and packing tons of them away in sand, a la Jamie Oliver, I simply shrugged, put on my coat and drove to work. Now, of course, I realise that I could have started to stockpile onions months ago, when prices were still reasonable, and even now could be making a fortune on the black market.
But now the whole country knows. The BBC did an emergency broadcast this morning from a vegetable packing shed. It’s blatant scaremongering is what it is. Before we know it there’ll be a run on supermarkets. People will be scrapping in the vegetable aisles, and fighting over the shallots.
They think they’ve got it bad in Zimbabwe? I tell you, they know nothing.
January 24th, 2008 at 11:46 pm
We have almost the opposite problem here, they’ve just realised that apples only grow for 3/4 months of the year so WHERE DO THEY COME FROM THE REST OF THE YEAR?
It’s been all over the news and the current affair programs that farmers store the apples which of course is horrific and terrible.
I feel for your onion shortage, it must be a terrible thing x
January 26th, 2008 at 12:50 am
I am supprised by this onion crisis. I grow my own and last season was fantastic(my shed still runneth over with them). It was the rain, it made them nice ‘n’ plump, not like the year before when they were small and wizened. Of couse I do live in Bromley where it hardly ever rains
February 8th, 2008 at 10:57 pm
It’s enough to make you shed a tear.
March 4th, 2008 at 10:29 pm
are you still alive sister dear? or has the onion shortage got you?