Know your onions
Thursday, January 24th, 2008Disaster looms!
An onion shortage threatens the citizens of Britain. What are we to do?
Admittedly, my beloved and I had prior warning of this impending doom from the people who supply us with our veggie box. They told us even in December that the near-apocalyptic rainfall of last year had a devastating effect on onion storage, and that the onions are rotting from the inside out. Whole sheds full of onions, tucked away like hibernating squirrels in readiness for spring, are succumbing to a hideous plague.
But, alas, we failed to do anything about it. I always fail to grasp the profit in situations. Instead of building an onion storage depot in the back yard, and packing tons of them away in sand, a la Jamie Oliver, I simply shrugged, put on my coat and drove to work. Now, of course, I realise that I could have started to stockpile onions months ago, when prices were still reasonable, and even now could be making a fortune on the black market.
But now the whole country knows. The BBC did an emergency broadcast this morning from a vegetable packing shed. It’s blatant scaremongering is what it is. Before we know it there’ll be a run on supermarkets. People will be scrapping in the vegetable aisles, and fighting over the shallots.
They think they’ve got it bad in Zimbabwe? I tell you, they know nothing.
