Therapy?
I’ve been doing really well for the last few months, as far as being depressed goes. By this I mean that generally I’ve been happy. There are some days, naturally, when the washing up glares malevolently from the sink as if bent on destroying my mental wellbeing, and just waking up turns me into a bitter, self-loathing witch. However, these days they are pretty few and far between.
That said, there are a few reasons why I might have another appointment with my psychotherapist, who I haven’t seen since May. See if you can guess which one it is:
1. I have the fear about going home. I’m worried that I’m going to miss Namibia more than I have bargained for. I think sometimes that I take the vast blue skies, the balmy days, the hazy mountains and the splodgy bright bougainvillea for granted, and once I go home, everything is going to seem eternally grey.
2. I have the fear about what’s ahead. What happens when I go home, start a new job and a new life with a new man? What if it doesn’t work out? What if I don’t get this job and have to work in MacDonalds, or sit transcribing insurance dockets from an old tape machine for 2.50 an hour? What if the pair of us find that we can’t live together? What if what if?
3. I’m worried that I’m still on the anti-depressants. I don’t want to be on them for much longer. I’d like to stop now please.
4. She wants to find out how my international blind date went.
Answers on a postcard. The correct answer wins a packet of smarties.
UPDATE! So, no-one got the correct answer, which was, in fact, number 4. She wanted to catch up and see how I’m doing, particularly as she was interested in the outcome of the date. So, while I am worried about those other things, it’s certainly not to the extent that I’d seek professional help. I’m just a worrier, naturally. I think I’ll keep the smarties.
August 7th, 2007 at 2:28 pm
Rachie -
I’ve got a lot of the same fear going on. Some of it in reverse. So I know pretty well how hard it is. But I’ve come to know you as a strong, grounded person who trusts her instincts with good reason. You’re going to be fine, however it all plays out. Hope that proves true for both of us.
All the best, thinking of you.
August 7th, 2007 at 4:28 pm
I would say all three, I’m sure you are apprehensive about moving back home, changing jobs and moving are the two highest streesers out there throw in a relationship…voila! Stress!
August 7th, 2007 at 5:14 pm
I bet you aren’t any more scared than I am. I’m about to give up a comfy apartment and a perfectly good job that allows me to sit on my ass all day to live with a host family (!!) in Ecuador for a year while teaching English. Yes, this will be my first attempt at living abroad, and no, I’ve never taught before (though I do _speak_ English, and kind of a lot, sometimes).
I don’t bat an eye at the impending diarrhea, the risk of dengue fever, polio, and plague, or the prospect of eating cow hoof soup with blood sprinkles or whatever it is. It’s not knowing what will happen after this year that scares me most.
I did choose this, so I’m not complaining. But I am a bit apprehensive.
Feel free to post any good advice your therapist gives you, after you two have covered that blind date.
August 7th, 2007 at 6:04 pm
I vote for one, two and three. And I think a little bit of fear and apprehension about the future is a healthy thing…as long as it isn’t inhibitory and paralyzing. I’ve come to appreciate, through your writing, that you’re a strong person entirely capable of coming off the pills and forging ahead to a very bright future…regardless of the path and the timetable!
Just remember to give yourself a little credit along the way!
August 7th, 2007 at 8:15 pm
If everything (and I really, really hope that it doesn’t) turns out grey and all wrong, there’s always a place, with some family around, in tropical Queensland. We have bouganvillias too.
x
August 7th, 2007 at 9:03 pm
What if. what if. what if? Bollocks. What can’t you deal with after doing what you have done.?
I think you’re probably worried about it all and that’s fair. But it’s all an adventure if you make it one.
Being home is all new again for me and I am discovering it afresh.
You’ll be fine too.
August 8th, 2007 at 9:33 am
I know a number of folk who having lived abroad a while have come back to Britain. Almost to a man/woman they have regretted this and many have returned overseas.
They all seem to say the same thing, that it is just such damned hard work living in Britain today; hard work with little to show for it.
But on the positive side, if you are not happy back home there is no reason to stay.
August 8th, 2007 at 11:22 am
FtJ, thank you! I hope you’re doing ok over in Timor. No fear - it’s all exciting!
Kathleen, yes, that’s true. I am stressed, but not to the point of therapy. No smarties for you!
Heather, it will be great! I was the same. It wasn’t moving to Namibia that I found scary, it was the thought of coming back, and not know what was next. It seems to be affecting a few of us this way, so I think it’s normal. You almost got the prize, I think…
LCG - thank you for the compliments!
Kermit, thanks. You never know.
Ourman, I know! Don’t worry - I’m excited about it too. But I still have The Fear.
Ph, well, there are plenty of reasons to stay. All exciting ones. The future is an open book though. Who knows what will happen?
August 8th, 2007 at 6:27 pm
Rachie,
I had a fantastic teacher - Dr Richard Bandler. Google him.
He taught me to write psychotherapist as Psycho The Rapist because he sees them as just that. They strip you mentally.
Anyway this is just something to think on when you are on the couch. What has the blind date got to do with anyone except you? Nosy! Maybe jealous?
Stay in NAmibia. Namibia needs you more than this foot and mouth infested place! It’s getting dark sooner. Colder in the mornings and evenings. Soon it’ll be dark at 4pm. Horrid.
Stay put.
August 9th, 2007 at 2:41 pm
Hi Robert,
I guess I see things a bit differently from Dr Bandler. I like my pshychotherapist. She is very lovely, and has helped me alot. I’ve told her a great many things, and I think she’s just concerned for my wellbeing, and wants to know that I’m still on the up, and on the medication.
Hurrah for therapy! Yay!