Will the real Slim Shady please stand up
I work for an organisation that works with young people. Occasionally, I have been required to escort groups of these young people on jaunts around the country, where they visit schools and communities, acting as role models for schoolkids and the like. At least that’s the idea. Usually we are accompanied by a truculent bastard called Victor, who drives the bus and grunts bitterly when required to do something useful, e.g. start the bus, drive it to where it’s supposed to be, keep the bus stationary while people get on it etc., etc.
On this occasion, I had had to leave the group in the capable hands of my colleague, who was busy setting up the sound system, in order to go and pick up a group of kids from a nearby school. I was concerned that Victor was going to have an aneurysm he was so furious at being required to do this, so I accompanied him, trusting my colleague to entertain the gaggle of primary school children with music while we were gone. “Entertain them with music” I said, thinking that he would put on one of his Celine Dion CDs and all would be well.
I returned, some twenty minutes later. I could hear the stereo from approximately two miles away. And blasting out of it, into an audience of ten year olds, came the following words:
“THIS IS ANOTHER PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT BROUGHT TO YOU BY SLIM SHADY.”
Oh Christ. I made it out of the bus before it had even stopped moving, and ran towards the stereo, waving my arms around in a panic-driven semaphore.
“SLIM SHADY DOES NOT GIVE A FUCK WHAT YOU THINK.”
“Noooooooooo…. Stop stop stop turn it off turn it OFF Oh my god…” I ran past some teachers who were waiting for the show to begin.
“IF YOU DON’T LIKE IT YOU CAN SUCK HIS FUCKING COCK.”
“Turn it off!” I screamed at my colleage. “OFF! My god, are you mad?”
He just didn’t get it. He looked at me, my hands full of hair, wild-eyed and breathless, and said “What’s the problem?”.
I spent the rest of the day imagining what those kids’ parents would say if they came home reciting Eminem verbatim, courtesy of our organisation, and more of my hair turned white.
July 6th, 2007 at 1:30 pm
I can just imagine you, in slow motion, running towards the stereo. tee hee. if the parents were anything like me (or my deceased, alas, granny) they’d have tutted and said, ‘music these days..no melody..can’t understand a word of what they’re saying..’ and you might, just, have got away with it. ps how beautiful is louby lou’s babby??
July 6th, 2007 at 2:28 pm
While I cringe at the thought of Celine Dion (a Kenny G equivalent in my mind) was the alternative to Eminem, I have to agree…in this instance she might have been the better choice. Ekkk. I can’t BELIEVE I just said that!
July 6th, 2007 at 6:31 pm
Rachie,
Just a note to say I have pimped you at my blog. Used you to illustrate a point.
Err it is all good stuff. No bad in it at all.
Here is the link: http://iscatterlings.com/scoble-hugh-and-a-lister-groupies/
Have a good weekend.
RB
July 7th, 2007 at 1:51 pm
mel, I know – I probably shouldn’t have worried. I should care more about Celine bloody Dion rotting their brains. And yes, Lou’s baby is adorable – all that fluffy hair!
LCG – Don’t worry. I normally associate Celine Dion with things like The Devil, and Crimes Against Music, so it was a tough call in this case.
Robert – thanks! You too.
July 7th, 2007 at 4:30 pm
I’ve been reading your blog silently for a while now and love it. I’ve added you to the Rockin Girl Blogger thing that’s circulating at the mo which you can copy and paste from my blog. I’ve also just added a link to you from my blog.
July 7th, 2007 at 8:10 pm
oh god.. the stuff of nightmares.
Mind you, so is Celine Dion…..
July 9th, 2007 at 4:18 pm
Insteadi, thanks! I’ve been over to visit, and your blog really brings back dusty Cairo memories.
Hello Birdy! Yes, Celine Dion is the very worst of my nightmare material. It’s the way she looms out of the fog, wailing and looking distraught, as if being pursued by zombies, or being dragged into the underworld. [shudder]
July 9th, 2007 at 5:06 pm
ahem. i must confess to knowing all the words of a celine dion song, ‘pour que tu m’aimes encore’. just the one, mind you. does it make it less terrible if it’s in french??
no? i didn’t think so..
but there’s this really cool line about casting spells to make someone love you..
still no? give up then..
August 16th, 2007 at 1:05 pm
The only Celine Dion I ever bother with is the French stuff Jean-Jacques Goldman wrote for her (inc. “Pour Que Tu M’aimes Encore”). If only she’d stuck to that. Probably the best one is “Vole” which he wrote for her as a present just after her teenaged niece had died of cystic fibrosis. (Which BTW is why she does so much for CF charities.) The album (”D’Eux”) both songs come from is the best-selling French album of all time and the only French language album to go gold in the UK.
I don’t go for her English stuff though. (Although funnily enough “My Heart Will Go On” irritates me less than it does most people.)