Queen of the Desert
We go sandboarding.
I like sandboarding – it’s an opportunity to completely wear yourself out climbing up sand dunes for an entire morning in a foam filled helmet and boots that were designed by arctic explorers. Then, each time you reach the top, you stand on a snowboard, and try your damndest not to look like a twat on your way to the bottom. Of course if you’re on a date, it’s doubly important that you not look like a twat, at any point. It’s unfortunate that I excel in this department.
So, we get to the top of the dune, and marvel at the extraordinary scenery. I, being in the beginners category (despite this being my third attempt at this), am shunted off to learn the basic principles of boarding. Gordon, being in the ‘yes, I snowboard all the time, and I like to go really, really fast’ category, is taken off for a brief lesson in Why Sand is Not Snow, before being allowed to scoot off jumps and whizz to the bottom of the hill like a pro.
This he duly does. I’m party to admiring murmurs from the assembled audience along the lines of “My god, you’d think he’d been sandboarding his whole life”. I try, and fail, not to look smug by association.
I, on the other hand, get on the board, and inch my way down the hill, falling on my face with my arse in the air at regular intervals, and being shouted at about the angle of my toes. At one point I fall over and am unable to get up. After flopping around on the dune like a beached sardine for approximately six lifetimes, I concede defeat. My cries of “Er. I’m a bit stuck. Can’t get up! Help!” drift pathetically up the dune. It is excrutiatingly humiliating.
The day continues in this vein.
I thank god that there is beer at the end of it.
Sexy, no?
July 2nd, 2007 at 9:21 pm
Has another post disappeared? Am confused…not that it takes much, I know
July 2nd, 2007 at 9:27 pm
Oh, and you look great, very happy
Although I must admit, your adventures in the sand sound very much like my first (and only) attempt at skiing. I never dared try to snowboard for fear of the damage I’d do to other people!
x
July 2nd, 2007 at 11:52 pm
Let it never be said that you do things by halves. Hats off to you, Ms Johnson, as ever.
July 3rd, 2007 at 1:56 pm
i once wakeboarded in singapore with similar ’success’.. trouble was i got up first time and got too cocky/forgot to let go (bit like waterskiing with v. fast boat etc.) when i fell, so was dragged through the water unceremoniously. couldn’t move next day.. hope you’re ok sweetie? mx
July 3rd, 2007 at 5:11 pm
Kermit, I had to remove one because of some nasty comments made by a madwoman.
Fleeing the Jurisdiction – yeah, even humiliation. I just go the whole hog.
Mel – shit! No, I had no muscly problems as a result of the sandboarding. I’m fine after the whole ‘madwoman’ episode also! XX
July 4th, 2007 at 12:16 am
Hi it’s me. I wish you – R – no malice and I deeply wish G hadn’t made me privy to this website – all of this could have been mercifully avoided. Although I wrote what I wrote in an angry tone, which is of course unpleasant, I said nothing that wasn’t/isn’t true of Gordon and myself and what has transpired. My anger was at Gordon – not you – and I think was pretty tame under the circumstances. If you don’t agree on some level perhaps you’ve never been put in a similar situation (who has?!) or didn’t read carefully enough. Or you’re too smitten at this point. At any rate I hope nothing similar happens to anyone who doesn’t deserve it because it sure ain’t pretty! With that I bid you adieu and good luck with your VSO work.
July 4th, 2007 at 8:30 am
Dear Madwoman,
Thanks for your calmer message – you’ll forgive me for mistaking your last few messages as malicious, considering the tone, the pseudonym (smacks of poison pen) and the personal comments made about me. However, having been in a similar situation myself on occasion, I understand how you feel. It would perhaps have been better not to have spewed it all out in a public forum if you hadn’t wanted to embarass me. My email address is over there on the right – next time you feel like getting all your vitriol off your chest, I suggest you use it. Thanks for the good wishes.
R
Incidentally, I’ve taken Rose’s comment off here, as well as your last four, because I like to keep a certain amount of my personal life personal.