A question of…
Right, well, I didn’t expect so many questions! I’m delighted, obviously, because it gives me much to work with. I thank you.
Kathleen has two questions (the more the merrier, I say).
Are you going back to England this year? Aren’t you near the end of your two year commitment?
The answer to both is yes. I haven’t been home in almost two years, and I’m starting to wonder what it will be like. Will people be wearing strange clothes, and talking into mobile phones the size of postage stamps? Will they even be speaking the same language, or will it have mutated out of existence? This is how long I feel I have been away. So I’m planning on finishing up in September, popping up to Victoria Falls and Malawi/Zambia with my cousin before being spat shivering onto England’s chilly shores in mid to late October. Fuck knows what happens then. I’ve not exactly been planning.
Honey (Hello lurker!) wants to know what my favourite things are. Hard to say really – there are so many. But for starters:
* Sushi
* Jaffa cakes (more on this later)
* Champagne
* My suede coat with fur round the cuffs, which I left at home, and which I love so much I feel like I’m in a relationship with it. It’s the most expensive item of clothing I have ever bought. I hope it forgives me for leaving it. And that it hasn’t been attacked by moths. Oh, it makes me fret just to think of it.
* Sitting by a fire, under the stars, in the middle of the desert
* Giraffes. They are just too cool.
* A cup of tea first thing in the morning.
* Cheese (but not fake plastic cheese, as immortalised by Radiohead.)
* Beer. It’s the Cambridge Beer Festival this week. They have good cheese there too. I’m going to miss it, goddamn it.
* The sea. Especially in winter when it’s moody and wild.
Is that enough?
Heather A wanted to know about insect muscles. This deserves a post all of its own. She also asked me what Jaffa Cakes are. I think it is a tragedy that people can go through life without having tasted jaffa cakes. I may set up my own charity to rectify the situation –
“Jaffa Aid: Bringing orangey goodness to the afflicted”. Heather, Jaffa Cakes are just about the best biscuit on the face of the planet (with hot competition from McVities Plain Chocolate Homewheats). The anatomy of a jaffa cake is thus:
A spongy, soft base, which allows for the stuffing of the entire biscuit into the mouth, should this be deemed necessary at any time. Laid lovingly atop this base is a sliver of orange jelly, honed to orangey perfection by master biscuit makers, using a recipe passed down from their forefathers, who made Jaffa Cakes for Henry VIII. The whole thing is finished off with a layer of smooth, dark chocolate. Please see this site, and this, for further details.
Bill asked about my forthcoming reality TV show: Leopard Wrestling: Live from Windhoek, and whether it will be broadcast outside Namibia. Bill, the answer is that Namibia simply doesn’t have the media resources to make this project possible. As a result, I have been in contact with Fox TV, and with Channel 5 in the UK, trying to get it off the ground. I sincerely hope they come through soon, because feeding these critters is becoming expensive, and they don’t really like being kept in a box in my kitchen. I worry that they will escape and do Boris some damage. However, I believe we may have persuaded Paris Hilton to present, once she’s out of jail, so I have high hopes, as, I’m sure, does she. Watch this space!
Fearghal wanted to know what anniversary it is after four years. Well, first up, congratulations! Four years is represented by fruit or flowers, so it’s nice and cheap. No gold or diamonds for another twenty five years or so. I’m sure a bag of apples will do nicely.
Claire asked: What would you put into Room 101 and why?
This doesn’t need much consideration, actually. I’d put Snow Patrol in there. I fucking hate Snow Patrol. Talk about turgid, repetitive droning. Does that guy know how to sing anything other than three notes over and over again? And the lyrics. Jesus. ‘The final straw in the roof of my mouth?’ Fuck off. I’m being tortured by them at the moment – they’re everywhere, all over the radio, sounding as if they’re recording their last dirge before they all go off and drown themselves in the first stagnant pond they can find. Do they ever have any fun do you think? Do they know how to laugh? They make me want to throw myself in front of a bus. Chuck ‘em in Room 101 with the rats and give us all a break.
Jennifer Cascadia asked me about the cockroach – which is bigger, me or it? Well, ideally, me. Although in my nightmares, often it’s the cockroach. However, the can of DOOM is bigger than all of us. Thankfully.
Hola Gordon, welcome to the world of Disco. Your question also deserves a post of it’s own. One gig review coming up.
Any more for any more? This is fun.
May 21st, 2007 at 3:07 pm
In reply:
1. Has England changed? Well the last time I went home… No, papers are still full of the Royal Family, people talk about and watch reality TV way too much and in general people seem very angry about most things. Everything is too expensive. Anyone over 30 talks about little else than weddings, DIY, pension plans, perhaps buying another place to rent out, their amazing children and, of course, reality TV.
2. Snow Patrol. Why slag Snow Patrol when there is Keane? Snow Patrol are shit, I don’t deny it. Although I have a soft spot for that “Say you love me now…” one.
3. Strange Clothes? Absolutely fucking ludicrous. Went did beards come back in?
May 21st, 2007 at 3:11 pm
Oups, sorry, I was on holidays for a week and I missed the previous post with the questions and stuff.
My question: Is your life and work like what you expected when you were still in London, if you expected anything. And are you thrilled to bits or disapointed, or both ?
Other questions: What about a food review, recipes and things…
And wine, you seem to drink a lot of beer, but what about wine ?
And music, you only mention the crappy one, but there must be some good music, traditional or modern.
OK, I stop. I guess you don’t want to turn your blog into some Namibiatouristinformationdotcom.
Anyway, thank you very much for offering some interaction.
May 21st, 2007 at 3:56 pm
Maybe you need a permanent question box on the side. Then you could just take them as you need or want them.
I know I appreciated my answer and all the others. I have looked in the imported cookie–uh, make that “biscuit”–area of my local stores for Jaffa Cakes, never with any luck. But they sound a lot like another British (I believe) thing I’ve seen there, orange Pims. Would those do in a pinch?
Finally, UK clothing cannot possibly be more ludicrous than what I see around Chicago. People are STILL misguidedly wearing jeans with the crotch down at their knees or upper calves. They look like penguin idiots who self-impose limited mobility. Will it ever end? Maybe your Jaffa charity could also provide full-length mirrors to the many who are so obviously in great need.
May 24th, 2007 at 1:14 pm
Re. favourite things. Whether it is enough, well, there can never be enough stuff one likes:)
Oh, just wondering whether you have come across any good African/Namibian writers (as in fiction)?
May 28th, 2007 at 9:24 am
Ourman – I don’t actually mind Keane. I find them relatively inoffensive. I wonder why that is? Beards? Are you kidding me?
Heather A – I don’t know what Orange Pims are…. but they might. Maybe I can arrange for full length mirrors to be available on every street corner?
Honey – Not really. But books are pretty hard to come by here.