Head-shrinking and other tales
I think I may have mentioned that I have been a little bit down lately (for ‘lately’, read ’since last May’). I have been trying very hard to ignore the insidious whisperings that emanate from the dark side of my conciousness, but recently I’ve needed a little help. I have tended not to talk about it on here that much, because let’s face it, whinging is boring, and god forbid people think I was that.
So I enlisted a doctor, who gave me some pills. The pills made me sick for a while, and then they made me high. I am no longer high, which is occasionally a disappointment, but I expect it is for the best. My doctor’s bedside manner leaves something to be desired, though. Coming as I do from the UK, I would expect to be given some reason for the prescription of the particular brand of drug that was supposed to sort me out. My doctor just gave me the brand that seemed to sponsor his office accessories and so, a little sceptical of his motives, I looked it up. Apparently its side-effects include nausea (check), sleeplessness (check), constipation, anorexia, heart palpitations and… permanent dependence! Woo-hoo! When I phoned him up to express concern, he said “I knew I should have taken the information leaflet out of the box. Just take the bloody pills.”*
My doctor, in turn, enlisted a psychotherapist. My psychotherapist is lovely. She gives me free tissues and lets me blather on about myself for an hour a week. She gives me homework to do, which includes things like “Go to the supermarket” and “Clean out your fridge” - things I have been unable to face doing for some time. My fridge, thanks to her encouragement, no longer shelters the jar of gherkins that was in it when I moved in in November 2005, or the last cheese slice from the packet that I bought inadvisedly last January. My ex-bloke once promised me, when we were still together, that he would eat all of those repulsive plastic abominations so that they wouldn’t go to waste. I felt like sending it to him in the post, with a note saying “You missed one”.
My psychotherapist has in her turn enlisted a homeopath, who is also wonderful. She has given me a bottle of energised pills with ’sepia’ written on them, told me to assess my earthly gifts, and forbidden me from wearing stomach jewellery (except “on high days and holidays, and when you want to seduce someone”). She has also told me that I should no longer eat pies. I am still sceptical about this. Surely it cannot be right?
Anyway, there seems to be an army of people now looking out for my mental wellbeing, which makes me feel alternately comforted and guilty. I’m not about to go on and on about being depressed, as this is no fun for anyone, not even me and the good lord knows how I looove to talk about myself. However, it seems that it may be a part of my life that I have to accept if I want to get over it, so I’m not going to avoid the subject either.
It’s nothing to be ashamed of, after all.
*I did get a second opinion, in case you’re worried.
February 22nd, 2007 at 3:13 pm
don’t forget too that you have a mini-army of friends rooting for you all over the world sweetheart, as well as a ‘grannyp’ - what i’d give for a grannyp!! just make sure that you have people with you for those low times, and never, never think that you should hide your depression, or that it’s somehow not important..
February 22nd, 2007 at 3:54 pm
Your cheese slice wit made me smile; hope you can smile about it too.
February 22nd, 2007 at 5:19 pm
Blog the good and the not so good. Sometimes it’s nice just to get it out and know that someone, somewhere is reading and seeing a part of you in themselves.
And, it seems you, your plastic cheese, and I were all in Africa at the same time in 2005 as Nov is when The Brit and I took a month-long holiday in Namibia, Botswana and South Africa! Small world!
Hope your “spiritual well being” is on the up now that you don’t have that intrusive metal rod going through it!!
February 22nd, 2007 at 7:05 pm
Went through an episode myself about two years ago, a fact which you might find either encouraging or worrisome, but was not advised regarding stomach jewelry or pies. I would definitely seek a second opinion on the latter.
I’m glad that you’ve written about it, and hope it helps to know that you’re not alone.
February 23rd, 2007 at 1:11 am
Pies could be harmful if they are not sufficiently nutritious or if you have a wheat allergy. Watch out for food sensitivities as they do make you feel gluggy. My mood rarely sinks as I do mucho vigorous physical training. I do get angry (most of the time) but rarely depressed.
February 23rd, 2007 at 7:33 am
I too, thought the cheese idea very funny, so you’re still making others laugh if it’s any consolation??
Re: Pie Abstinence. Hmmm, if you’ve genuinely got a problem digesting wheat, maybe, but I find a good pie brightens up the day so I’m not convinced.
Interesting about the belly ring advice. Have you ever had Shiatsu? Not Shiatsu massage, but Shiatsu therapy. It’s great. I had a therapist who was obsessed with the stomach area. Relaxed everything so much she could practically touch my spine through my bellybetton, which sounds gross but was quite fascinating… I would be impressed if you could find Shiatsu in Windhoek. Guess what random items are missing from our supermarket this week? Milk, and the entire range of magazines. What can I do without a week-old copy of South African Heat???? Meanwhile there’s some lorry-jacker getting high on calcium and looking at photos of Britney Spears…
February 23rd, 2007 at 11:40 am
Mel, that’s why I love you! You always say exactly the right thing.
Jay - I have to confess, I did have a little smirk about it at the time.
LCG - small world indeed! Where did you go in Namibia? Did you like it? Isn’t it beautiful?
Bill - it does help, definitely. Thanks.
Jennifer, as delicious as the pies here are, I would say they are probably quite low in terms of nutrition. They tend to be mostly pastry. Yum.
Clare - no never had Shiatsu. I think there is a place here where you can get it. It sounds lovely - I will check it out. And as for the supermarket, I could handl milk, but Heat? You’ll be pleased to hear, though, that this week’s edition hasn’t caught up to Britney’s head shaving incident yet, and is more concerned with Anna Nicole Smith. You’ve not missed much, although I know that’s not much consolation!
February 24th, 2007 at 3:17 am
Windhoek, Namib Desert (including Sossusvlei/Deadvlei), and Etosha…all by rental car. Yes, LOVED it. And yes…BEAUTIFUL!!
February 24th, 2007 at 11:42 pm
thinking of you - and its your blog, you can write what you like! Good bad and ugly.
February 26th, 2007 at 6:07 am
It is one of the weird yet cool things about the internet that we find ourselves concerned for people we have never met and who we are not likely to meet, much as we might think of that being a good thing. I found myself worrying about the medication you’re on last night, wondering if your mood is indeed medical or if it is situational/environmental. You’ve written in the past of the frustrations of your work, and more recently of your lonely state and of a state of boredom - states I am more than familiar with myself. If it is these external factors which are leading to you feeling down, I’d just suggest a lot of caution in medicating. Over the years, I’ve considered medication, but the basic decision I have reached is that my only way out is a combination of changing those circumstances which can be changed and trying to accept, find positive ways of dealing with those circumstances which cannot: for example, I think I will be perpetually lonely, so look for activities I can enjoy which will ease the burden. I know there will be stuff you’re not saying here, so I only make that suggestion.
February 26th, 2007 at 12:14 pm
Rachie,
I have been hearing all about your fab cooking this weekend off your ex (nightmare) house mate who came to stay for the weekend. I wonder if you could put your cullinary skills to use with cheese slices and moldy gherkins? I had to ring Mel the other day because I was so worried about you. We love you and don’t like you being sad!
Hugs,
Lou
PS. To all those of you who follow Rachies blog and who haven’t met her - she is ace, a fab friend, intelligent, with a great sense of humour, and I miss her tonnes!
February 27th, 2007 at 10:20 pm
We miss you too Rach. We often wonder what it would be like if we had stayed on in Namibia, and I have to say that the boredom and cabin fever is something I don’t think we could have coped with for much longer. It is something that never crossed our minds when preparing for VSO, but we are so used to having such a range of options/activities/people in our lives that to have them all missing is damn tough.
Another very nice therapy is Indian Head massage. I also recommend putting on cheesy (no pun intended) music and dancing and singing at the top of your voice.
Take Care Sweety
Aileen
February 28th, 2007 at 12:39 am
Hi Rach
I am still reading your blog regularly and enjoying it lots. I think you just about have a publishable dairy now. I don’t know what it feels like to be feeling so low, but I do know that there seems to be a link between being alive and experiencing ups and downs. It is really important to try to capture both creatively. I guarantee life will be much more mundane when you get back.
Thinking of you
Martin
February 28th, 2007 at 12:39 am
Oops - a little pissed - I meant diary not dairy
February 28th, 2007 at 7:58 am
Birdy - thank you. That is also one of my favourite films, so I will think of it when posting the ugly!
Barry - thanks for the suggestion, and your concern. It’s amazing to me that all these people that I’ve never met are concerned for me too. The interwebnet is a wonderful thing.
Lou - big me up, alright! Thanks hon, I miss you too. You’re a star. XX
Aileen - I did it this morning, to take that singing Shine. I danced around the kitchen in my knickers singing into a banana. Damn these drugs are good.
Martin - Glad you’re still here! i’m sure it will be mundane, but there will be pubs, and gigs and theatre, and stuff, and things. But no huge sky, no frangipani blossoms, no sitting out on jasmine smelling evenings with friends. I will miss it terribly.