32 things
1.I used to want to wear glasses so badly when I was a child that I tried to fake eyesight tests regularly until I was about 12.
2.I practically never wear makeup – I just never got into the habit.
3.I joined the parascending club at university.
4.But I only went once.
5.I’m afraid of slugs.
6.Oh for god’s sake. Am I only at number 6? How can I possibly think up 32 things that will be of any interest to anyone?
The short answer is, I can’t. Be bothered. It bores even me.
So I think I’m going to throw it out there, to my many millions of readers (I feel sure that my statcounter is mistaken. I know that there are more than three of you.)
If you feel the hand of inspiration on your shoulder, please do make up some salacious or fascinating facts about me to add to this woefully short list. It is my birthday tomorrow, after all, which is why I started this hopeless exercise in narcissism to begin with.
I might start you off…
1.I used to be a hugely famous as a porn star. My screen name was Julie Buckets.
2.I play 14 different musical instruments to concert level.
3.I’m a qualified plumber.
4.My left foot is two sizes larger than my right.
5.My hearing is so acute that the government have employed me on top-secret surveillance missions in several highly dangerous locations.
6.I am allergic to paper.
7.Four and a half years ago I had the left side of my brain removed and donated to medical science.
8.I have six fingers on each hand.
9.I once got caught smuggling plutonium into Siberia. I used my mastery of disguises to fool the guards into thinking I was the Dalai Lama, and escaped unharmed.
10. …….
Ta ta. I’m off home to make a curry.