Is it an age thing?
I’m in the middle of a mid-life crisis. I just don’t know what to do with myself, in the immortal words of Burt Bacharach. I go through this occasionally – I wake up with a desperate urge to shake things up and go and do something different with my life. Last time this happened, I gave up my job and went to gallivant around the middle east, trailing a disparate group of tourists behind me like slightly bedraggled ducklings.
Travelling has always sorted this restlessness out for me until now, but for the first time in my life, I have the feeling that upping and leaving for new and varied climes might not be the answer that I need. I think that maybe I should stay here and explore my own country for a while.
I have an interview on Wednesday that could conceivably change my life. If I’m successful, in the space of 3 or 4 months I could find myself somewhere new, like Bangladesh, Kenya, Mongolia or Kazakhstan, working for a modest living allowance to help small local charities in what is known in the jargon of our field as ‘capacity building’. I’ve always wanted to go off and do Voluntary Service Overseas. I’ve dreamed of it for a long time, but now I’m not sure that it is what I really want at this moment in time, and I think if I’m about to commit 2 years of my life to this then I should be sure that I am committed. If you see what I mean.
I’ve had weird random thoughts lately concerning my future. For some reason I’d like to go and be a chemsitry or physics teacher. I didn’t even do physics or chemistry GCSE for God’s sake. What has posessed me? It couldn’t possibly be those very persuasive TV adverts could it? The ones that feature laughing, healthy looking kids, engrossed in interesting activities, clearly desperate to cram knowledge into their sponge-like brains… I know from experience, and the counsel of others that the reality is somewhat different, but even so. It’s tempting.
I am also desperate to get out of London. Much as I love this place sometimes, it wears you down. It sucks your bank account dry and spews you, gasping onto it’s concrete shores, while stressed commuters step over you looking neither to the left or right, intent only on getting to B in as short a time as possible.
I grew up in the country, on a small farm in Wales, with views of the Cambrian Mountains to greet me every morning when I woke up. Well, when I could see that far, which wasn’t very often, because it rains ALL THE TIME in Wales. But anyway, rose-tinted specs and all that. Some part of me would love to head out of the city and live somewhere small and friendly.
Perhaps I could be a florist? I had a very pleasant dream the other night in which I was a florist. But then I had a dream last night in which I was an astronaut, and I’m not about to head off to NASA for a quick spot of training as a result, so perhaps I should calm down.
In any case, there is alot going on in my head. I’m confused and I don’t know what to do.
Sigh.